While translating the Diataxeis of St. Philotheos Cokkinos, I became interested in translating other liturgical texts, and started a very ambitious project to retranslate the Divine Liturgy. I am merely an amateur, and I am essentially learning Greek as I go along, but I have begun to formulate several principles of translation:
- Precision: Use words that precisely capture the meaning of the source language. The words should be neither too precise nor too vague. For example, at the last verse of Psalm 50, the translation done by Holy Transfiguration Monastery has Then they shall offer bullocks upon Thine altar, but in the original Greek, the word translated as bullock is moschos, which can mean any kind of young animal, and even a plant shoot! Thus, bullock is actually too precise; in my yet-to-be-completed translation of Psalm 50, I used the word calves, which can refer to many kinds of young animals, even whale calves, and thus it fits the imprecision of the original Greek better, in my opinion.
- Commonality: Use words that are in common use. Of the most precise words, it is important to choose the words that are most common, so that the text can be understood better. Of course, it is more important to be precise; a technical term such as consubstantial is preferable to the easier to understand but less precise one in being.
- Antiquity: Of common and precise words, choose the words that are the oldest. I am translating the Liturgy into a traditional register (e.g. using thee/thy instead of you/your). I want to follow the translation style of Met. Kallistos Ware of blessed memory, who, with his co-translator, Mother Mary, based their translations of the Festal Menaion and Lenten Triodion on the language of the Authorised Version, that is, the King James Bible. In translating texts, I have made copious reference to Strong’s Concordance to see how the KJV translates specific words. I have also used the Early English Books Online database to look up whether a particular word or phrase was present in books published in the 16th and 17th centuries. Some contemporary-sounding expressions are actually quite old: for example, the imperative phrase, Come near, is found in many places in the King James Version, even moreso than the more archaic sounding Draw nigh. Old does not have to mean obscure!
As a demonstration of these principles, here is a translation of the Cherubic Hymn or Cherubikon. First, here is a common translation, taken from the Jordanville Prayerbook. It is a translation from Church Slavonic:
Let us who mystically represent the Cherubim, and chant the thrice-holy hymn unto the life-creating Trinity, now lay aside all earthly care. That we may receive the King of all, Who cometh invisibly upborne in triumph by the ranks of angels.
I went back to the original Greek and did a translation from scratch. I have checked most of the words against Strong’s Concordance, and other words not included were checked for their provenance on the Online Etymology Dictionary as well as the above sources. Below is the Greek, the Church Slavonic, and my translation:
Οἱ τὰ Χερουβεὶμ μυστικῶς εἰκονίζοντες, καὶ τῇ ζωοποιῷ Τριάδι τὸν τρισάγιον ὕμνον προσᾴδοντες, πᾶσαν τὴν βιοτικὴν ἀποθώμεθα μέριμναν, ὡς τὸν Βασιλέα τῶν ὅλων ὑποδεξόμενοι, ταῖς ἀγγελικαῖς ἀοράτως δορυφορούμενον τάξεσιν.
И҆̀же херꙋві́мы та́йнѡ ѡ҆бразꙋ́юще, и҆ животворѧ́щей трⷪ҇цѣ трист҃ꙋ́ю пѣ́снь припѣва́юще, всѧ́кое ны́нѣ жите́йское ѿложи́мъ попече́нїе, ꙗ҆́кѡ да цр҃ѧ̀ всѣ́хъ под̾и́мемъ, а҆́гг҃льскими неви́димѡ дорѷноси́ма чи́нми.
Let us, who mystically portray the Cherubim and chant the thrice-holy hymn unto the life-giving Trinity, cast off all worldly cares, so that we may receive the King of All, invisibly escorted by the angelic ranks.
Notes
- Portray: The most common translation for eikonizontes is represent, but the most common meaning of to represent is to speak on behalf of someone, which is not the meaning here. The meaning of eikonizontes as one can guess from the root word eikon or icon, is to represent something or someone visually. The singers here are portraying the angelic host singing the thrice-holy hymn, which is, in this context, the Sanctus: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Sabaoth: Heaven and earth are full of thy glory”(Cf. Isaiah 6:3).
- Cast off: Most translations say lay aside, which is a common translation of the verb apotithēmi in the King James Version but lay aside now has the meaning of putting something aside temporarily, whereas the Greek verb (literally meaning to put away) means to discard or renounce something. Thus, I went with the more forceful cast off, which is also an acceptable translation in the KJV, found in Romans 13:12.
- Worldly cares: The literal translation of biotikēn merimnan is care/anxiety of life. I originally intended to translate this as cares of this life to match with the reference to cares of this life in Luke 21:34, but I was concerned that care would be misconstrued as meaning responsibility instead of anxiety. Thus, I went with worldly cares. Not only is this phrase more concise and singable, but it is also more prevalent in the Early English Books Online database than either care of this life or earthly care. In English, cares seems to be used more in the plural, so I opted to translate the singular merimnan to the plural.
- Who cometh (omitted): Not present in the original Greek or Church Slavonic, and I think the Cherubic Hymn sounds fine without it.
- Escorted: A common mistranslation of doryphoroumenon via the macaronic Church Slavonic translation dorynosima is upborne in triumph, but the actual meaning of the verb doryphoreō, which literally means to bear a spear, is to escort or attend as a guard. Thus, the image should be of a royal procession, with the King of All being invisibly escorted by the angels.
